What Would Happen If We Kissed?
by Fei Xue
Summary: Quinoa. Squall died at the end of the game. Years later, who's going to be there for Rinoa?


What Would Happen If We Kissed...?  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Summary: Rinoa/Quistis have a heart 2 heart talk.  
  
It's been years but I can still remember...  
  
I knew she could feel me. My presence as I walked toward her. Through the long halls that opened to a balcony over looking the courtyards, and had a perfect view of the night sky. She wasn't looking at me but I could feel her tense up; the arms that were thrown over the side of the railing as she slumped foward.  
  
"Rinoa?" My voice called quietly. "You ok?"  
  
Her fingers traced circles on the metal beam, tapping her fingernails against it. She sniffled, it was then that I realized that she had been crying. Perfectly understandable. But being the strong, determained girl she was...she said otherwise.  
  
"I'm fine." Her voice cracked.  
  
I closed the space between us, and gathered her into my arms. She didn't submit instantly. I didn't expect her to. Not after what happened...When Squall......died.  
  
She pressed her face into my chest, and my shirt immediately felt wet. Not that I minded. This is what I do. What I do for my friends...  
  
A few sobs managed to escape her throat, as much as she wanted to hold back. I rubbed her back gently with my hand and whispered softly to her.  
  
"Hey...hey, it's ok. C'mon. Let it out."  
  
There was a pause, and I could feel her hesitate.  
  
"W-What if I don't stop...? What if I keep going...for eternity?"  
  
"Then I'll be right here with you...for eternity."  
  
And almost instantly, cries of anguish were rushing from her heart and going where they should be...in the open. I could then see her pain and agony, and it killed me inside to see her like that. So vulnerable...usually it was Squall who rushed in...to save her and be her knight in shining armor. But he wasn't here...and now it's her turn to save herself. Right at that moment, I wished for Squall to come down and make Rinoa stop crying.  
  
Come back down here you bastard! Make her stop crying! Put her heart back together you big moron! Do what I...can't do!.........make her happy.  
  
Then I realized that I was crying too...tears were streaming down my face and mingling with Rinoa's. But my reason was different. I was crying for not being able to help her. For not being able to ease the pain of the...woman I love?  
  
For so long, that's what I always wanted to do...to be Squall. I wanted to be the one to make Rinoa laugh, and smile. I wanted to be the one to wake up in the morning and have her in my arms. I wanted to be the one to have her heart.  
  
Now I have that chance, but how can I dishonor us? All three of us. Espescially Rinoa. No, I can't do that. Even with Squall gone, I can't intervene. So even in death, Squall, you still stand in the way of my happiness.  
  
But what about Rinoa, the girl who I hold weeping in my arms? What about her happiness?  
  
A great hatred flared up suddenly within me. A hatred for Squall.  
  
He was her happiness! He was her soul! Her body! Her mind! And he left her! How could he? How could he go like that, to leave the person who loved him the most behind to pick up the pieces and ...and drag her down with him in death.  
  
No! That's not going to happen! I refuse to let Squall kill her!  
  
"Rinoa...Rinoa. Look at me."  
  
I cupped her chin with my hand and brought her face up to meet mine.  
  
"Rinoa, Listen to me..I...I-"  
  
I knew what I was doing was rash and stupid, and could even hurt her. But I needed to shock her back into reality.  
  
"I love you!" I blurted out.  
  
I saw the sadness in her eyes swiftly change to hatred. She pulled away from my embrace and slapped me...hard.  
  
I blinked and slowly raised a quaking hand to my burning cheek, touching the tender skin. I was expecting that, I smirked inwardly. But I can't say that I didn't deserve it.  
  
She turned to run away but I jump foward and held her fast.  
  
"Let go of me!" She struggled insanely, trying desperately to get out of my strong grasp.  
  
"Rinoa! I'm not finished yet!"  
  
"Shut up, Quistis! I don't need to hear your 'love-panterings'! Let go of me!"  
  
"Rinoa! Look what he's doing to you! It's been five years! Snap out of it, Rinoa!"  
  
She finally managed to pull away from my fingers, but she didn't run, instead she looked at me straight in the eyes. Then before I knew it, she kissed me.  
  
It wasn't a passionate kiss, it was harsh, and punishing. Like she hated me. Then she pulled away and spat on the ground.  
  
"There! Are you happy?!"  
  
She was breathing hard, as was I. The kiss was hard, and full of hate but it was also long.  
  
"No...I'm not." I shook my head.  
  
"What then!" She screamed at me, and tore at her clothes. "You want this too?! Here! C'mon! TAKE IT!!!"  
  
She ripped her blouse from her body and her bare chest was now exposed. She started to tear at her skirt but my hands flew to her wrists.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"  
  
Her hand curled into a fist and slammed into my jaw, like a brick. Man could that girl hit.  
  
I was taken so off guard that my knees instantly buckled and I slammed into the floor. I was shocked. I stared at the ground in front of me for a few seconds, my hands raised and ran a thumb across my bottom lip, coming back, stained with blood. I rubbed it together with my forefinger, and the smell of blood reached my notrils.  
  
I had expected Rinoa to be gone, run off, fled from me. But when I looked up, I stared into a tear-stained face. And without a word, she slowly crumpled and fell against me. We stayed there for awhile. How long, I do not know, nor did I care. It was just us then, Quistis and Rinoa. We were basking in the red glow of pain, and anguish. Each of us had our different reasons, but we were there for each other. And that was all that mattered then.  
  
I had told her my reason for pain, and not understanding at first, Rinoa lashed out at me. Now she understood what I was trying to tell her, and I understood why she didn't in the beginning.  
  
"Look what he's done to you, Rinny." I whispered quietly to her. "Look at yourself. Move on."  
  
"I-I don't know if I can, Quisty." She said slowly, each word properly articulated, even as she stuttered. "It's too..p-painful......"  
  
"Let go, Rinoa. Let him go. It's only fair for both of you."  
  
She was silent, and I pulled away from her to look into her bloodshot eyes. What I saw...I could not describe what I saw. It was not pain, not hate, not fear. It was something beyond all that. But at that moment, I made a decision.  
  
Quietly, I stood up, and helped Rinoa to her feet. Running my fingers through her unkept, tangled hair, I said softly in her ear. "I'll wait for you to move on. I'll always wait for you." Like Squall, I said to myself. They say that you never love someone like you loved your first love. Rinoa will never love me like she did for Squall, but that didn't matter. I will be here for her, and that's all that matters.  
  
***  
  
"Quistis, finish this for me, will you?" Xu called out to her associate.  
  
'Upgrading all the secuity systems in Balamb. What a waste of time!' Quistis thought to herself. "Why couldn't we just have one network?" The blonde shook her head and sighed, taking the upload disk from Xu.  
  
"Because then, security would be too easy to disable! I mean, what if we were under attack or something?!" Xu waved her hands in emphasis. "Then BOOM! We're goners. Just like that." She snapped her fingers.  
  
Quistis rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Whatever. Let's just finish this so I can go home!"  
  
Xu blinked and smiled. "Alright then." It was good to see Quistis taking some things, other than work, more seriously. She turned to the security box, and unlocked it, prying away the rusty cover.  
  
"My God, how long has it been since the last upgrades?"  
  
Quistis flipped through her record files, firmly clamped to her clipboard. "Well it was-2213???!!!"  
  
Xu rolled her eyes. "Figures....C'mon, gimme the disk."  
  
"Upload or execute?" Quistis held up the plactic disks, and blinked.  
  
"Both." Xu grabbed them both and returned to work, while Quistis absently fumbled through the tool box. It had been two months since the incident with Rinoa on the dorm's overhead balcony. They had hardly spoken a word to each other since that night, and when at group gatherings, all that came from their mouths were curt greetings and farewells. Selphie had noticed her two friends growing apart, and tried often to get them to reconnect but each was reluctant to.  
  
'It's because she's still trying to get over it.' Quistis thought, sighing wistfully. She blew a lock of blonde hair away from her face, rested her head in her palms and propped her elbows on the table; still sorting through the tool box.  
  
'Maybe she'll never get over it. Maybe she was destined to be with Squall, and no other. Maybe I am inadequet.' Quistis' eyes were sheened over in tears, she blinked for one second, letting her sorrow fall from her eyes and trail down her face. 'I wish I never said that to her, being friends with her is better than being nothing to her at all.'  
  
"All for nothing. What a waste." She whispered silently. "I wish I never told Rinoa I loved her."  
  
"Do you really?"  
  
Quistis whirled around, and pressed her back against the table. "Xu...? Is that you?"  
  
"She's gone for the moment." Came the reply.  
  
Quistis whirled back and found herself staring into a pair of brown, shining eyes. "R-Rinoa?" Her voice rasped out, hardly daring to believe.  
  
Rinoa sat cross-legged on the table, in front of her, the tool box. She reached into it and brought out a screwdriver. She turned it in her hands and blinked at it, as if it were the most interesting thing in the word. "Wow! 'Never knew you were such a butch, Quisty!"  
  
"R-Rinoa...I-I..." Quistis started. There was so much to say, she had gone over this in her head and even practiced it outloud to a mirror. But somehow, the words couldn't seem to form in her mouth.  
  
"Hush." Rinoa dropped the tool, and pressed her finger to the SeeD's lips. Wordlessly, she drew Quistis to her, resting the blond's head between her breasts, she rocked her gently. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."  
  
Quistis closed her eyes, hearing Rinoa's steady heartbeat in her ears. It was comforting; she never want the moment to end. "I love you."  
  
Rinoa cupped Quistis' chin, tilting her lovely face to meet hers. Slowly, she pressed her lips to Quistis', feeling a warm sensation course through her body. Quistis sobbed against Rinoa's kiss, tears of joy and happiness falling down her face.  
  
The sorceress felt the other woman's pain, and said silently. "Don't cry...hush, I'm here now."  
  
They pulled away, chests heaving, and each breathing heavily.  
  
There was no lie in their kiss. They both loved each other, and that was all that mattered. 


End file.
